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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277673">Just Like the Ones I Used to Know</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergeekytoon/pseuds/supergeekytoon'>supergeekytoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In Our Bedroom, After the War [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mission: Impossible (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Cookies, Christmas fic, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holiday Fic Exchange, M/M, Retirement, Stress Baking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:21:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,010</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergeekytoon/pseuds/supergeekytoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In an attempt to ignore his anxiety, Benji decides to stress bake some Christmas cookies.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In Our Bedroom, After the War [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1365076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just Like the Ones I Used to Know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ORiley42/gifts">ORiley42</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A Gift for @ORiley42 made with plenty of love &lt;3 </p><p>Hope everyone is staying safe this time of year. Happy Holidays and here's to looking forward to the year that approaches! </p><p>Follow Me on Tumblr @supergeekytoon</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The snow was falling quietly over the Wisconsin farmland. In the distance, there was a soft glow, brought on by the gentle twinkling lights on each house and the occasional car driving slowly over the roads. The radio was on a kitchen counter, fuzzy and crackly due to a less than ideal signal. It played distorted holiday music, which Benji did not mind. It brought him back to childhood, as he made baked goods with his family. </p><p>	Benji’s apron was covered in flour, as he began to make another batch of cookies. He loved to bake as a young man, but couldn’t find the time to keep up with the hobby until retirement. The act of making something with his own two hands filled him with cheer. It was late in the afternoon, the sun starting to set. Ethan, his husband, was upstairs in their bedroom taking a nap. </p><p>	Benji hummed to himself, musing about how lucky both of them were to have each other. He could never imagine living a quiet domestic life, much less spending the holidays with Ethan. Oftentimes they were either on their own or spending Christmas on a mission. Most of them didn’t have families to go back to, for one reason or another. After Ethan had returned to the field, he rarely celebrated at home. It was nice, on the rare occasion when the whole team could find a way to celebrate together. </p><p>	It was their first Christmas in retirement, and Benji felt it was too good to be true. His therapist told him to begin framing his thoughts in a different way, it wasn’t good to dwell on his new life being stripped away from him.  He tried to keep her advice in mind, and for the most part, he’s been coping well. Sometimes, however, Benji couldn’t help but lapse back into old thinking. And ultimately this is how he found himself baking well into the evening. </p><p>	Benji heard the creak of the staircase, as Ethan began making his way downstairs to their kitchen. Ethan stretched his arms, yawning as he did so. Then he went to embrace Benji, trying to measure out the ingredients.</p><p>	“What’s all this, love?” Ethan said, his voice still groggy from sleep</p><p>“I’m making Christmas cookies…” Benji replied, glancing over at the other batches that have finished cooling.</p><p>	Benji felt a pair of soft lips planting a quick kiss on his neck. Ethan picked up one of the cookies, in the shape of a star.</p><p>	“How many did you make?”</p><p>“I didn’t keep track. I just started and kept going until I ran out of ingredients. This will be my last batch.”  </p><p>	Ethan met his eyes with a sympathetic smile. </p><p>“Do you want me to help you decorate the finished ones?” </p><p> </p><p>	“That would be nice.” Benji smiled, </p><p> </p><p>	They stood in comfortable silence as Ethan mixed together the ingredients for the icing. Benji took in the moment, standing in the kitchen, with the man he loved, celebrating Christmas together in their own intimate way. Nothing to worry about, nothing to save.</p><p>“You know, we’d get the whole family together and watch A Christmas Carol, in the living room,” Ethan said, preparing to start icing.  </p><p>	“Back when you were a kid?” Benji asked as he imagined Ethan as an adorable child sat in front of an old tube tv, flickering as it played in black and white. </p><p>“Yeah, we’d have my grandparents and my cousins over and my uncle Donald. We’d get together and watch Christmas movies, all the usual stuff.” </p><p> </p><p>	“If only we could send every irredeemable bad guy some ghosts to change their ways…” Benji mused, quiet and reserved. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure terrorists and arms dealers would change their minds from such means, Benji,” Ethan responded, now leaned over the kitchen counter. </p><p> </p><p>“I suppose you’re right.” </p><p>	Benji hated that Ethan was right. He hated thinking about any of the past. And so he baked. He fiddled with his hands, he stepped away from the screens, and he just let the act of creation overtake him until he could relax. It was Christmas, there was no time for fear and hurt.<br/>
He was grateful for what he had, for what they found in each other. But there was a part of him that hurt, the part that resented all he had gone through. He wished he could enjoy having this life without all the hangups of the past.</p><p>	“I love you, Ethan.” He said, taking the last sheet of cookies from the oven.</p><p>“I love you too, Benji.”</p><p>	Benji noticed Ethan was standing still, looking very pensive. </p><p>“What’s wrong, love?” </p><p>	“You know, I spent so long looking to the past. Wanting to be that young carefree boy again, in that living room. But things are different now.” Ethan said,  meeting Benji’s gaze.</p><p>	“And I may not have that experience again. But, that’s ok. Because I can make new memories, new traditions with you.’ Ethan’s voice was gentle. He went to place his hand on Benji’s, a soft reassuring touch. ‘How about we finish these cookies and go watch a movie, any movie you want.” </p><p>	Benji rubbed the tears from his eyes, smiling. Perhaps they’d never be completely ok. But they had each other, even if they spiraled and even when their emotions felt far from rational. Ethan pulled him in, with his arms around Benji’s waist.</p><p>“We could watch Die Hard, that’s technically a Christmas movie,” Benji responded</p><p>	“Alright then, Die Hard it is” Ethan smiled, planting a kiss on Benji’s cheek.</p><p>“We could also just make out in the kitchen…” Benji said, a coy tone to his voice.</p><p>	“That’s a tradition I could get behind.” </p><p> They both giggled, as they took turns planting gentle kisses on each other’s lips and face. The anxiety had since faded.</p><p>	“You smell of sugar cookies,” Ethan said grinning wildly</p><p>“So do you. Come on, let’s finish up here.’ Benji said. ‘I’d like to have these with our movie.”</p><p>	“Alright love. Oh and one more thing.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>	“Merry Christmas, Benji.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas, Ethan.”</p>
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